Tired, fed up!

We fight for women reservation bills; at the same time we fight against gender bias! Feminist thoughts, articles, stories – we have an endless list. But go home, the lady will still stand in the kitchen, perspiring and watching over 4 dishes at a time. Yes, the man chops veggies, helps here and there but predominantly the woman is at work.

I once overheard two women speaking and one was of the view that however intelligent a lady is, what ever height she reaches, at the end of the day, she needs to get home to feed her family, whether it consists of husband and kids or parents. This blog is not about who the ‘stronger sex’ is but whether these debates and fights are really relevant considering what women, educated or uneducated, mentally strong or otherwise, go through on a day-to-day basis.

I have been witness to this dirty act since class 10. First it was shock, then anger, more anger, frustration and finally it reached a stage of getting fed up! It is so disgusting to even pen it, but then it has to be brought to light. My friends and I were waiting to be picked up right opposite the school premises. A construction work was in progress and the mason at work, sitting on a bike was staring at us. We just presumed him to be one of those men who generally pass time looking at girls for I don’t know what pleasure?! Some time later we guessed that something was wrong. He kept looking at his crotch with his hands there!! That’s when we knew what he was up to – masturbating that too in the open! Disgusting as it is even when I write it, as kids we were dumbfounded and actually feared. We decided not to wait anymore and just walked back home!

Not knowing if we should bring it up in the open, we let it be and forgot the incident slowly. Next in college, the same happened on a lonely road, but this time I was alone. The guy stood in a shady place and was at it. The minute I saw him, I sensed trouble. Talk of women being strong – I told myself I am not going to let him deter me and I kept walking. He followed me right till home and that’s when fear crept in again. At 4 in the evening, broad daylight, they have so much experience that no one else notices! This time again, fear took over boldness.

But the next day, some of us went to the nearby police station and lodged a complaint. As usual, the police in duty had all sorts of questions to which we obviously didn’t have precise answers to. Can you recognise him? Precisely at what time is he there? How many of them? Imagine, you looking at that creep’s face, knowing his ‘business’ hours and his partners in crime? You’d just want to leave the place as soon as possible! But the police did help us by patrolling the area for about a week and the nuisance stopped only to our dismay that the same thing was happening in a nearby college now.

If such incidents happen in the open, women have a way of getting out; either by getting out of the place, lodging a complaint or by boldly confronting him. But what if it happens when you are alone with such a person? I have experienced this too in an auto where the driver was at it. Most of us are used to these auto drivers looking at us through his mirror. But this was taking a filthy turn. I yelled asking him to stop the auto and he would not budge. At that moment your brains just fail to work! I sent SMS’s to friends with the guy’s number and where I was heading to, but was just praying he’d drop me wherever I was to go. He did do it after a lot of threatening.

I was once in a bus when I slapped a man. I got the driver to stop the bus. The women around abused him and he was made to get down. This is the maximum I could go. Why don’t women go further? We talk of being equal, yes, agreed. But physically, we still remain the weaker sex. We as women have the most precious gift of becoming a mother, but the same gift is a curse at times. Men do have an upper hand when it comes to this. Many would disagree saying I fall in the category where women aren’t bold enough, but I beg to differ. A woman is questioned about her virginity and it is tested too. But a man? You can check maybe. But does anyone question him? I believe there is an age old tradition which is still followed in many households. When the first night for the newly weds happen, a white cloth is laid on the bed and the next morning, much to the chagrin of the young bride, the cloth is scrutinized by the elders in the family to check her virginity!

Getting back, you go a step ahead and confront him. What if they are a group and manage to sexually abuse you? You go to the police and are asked a several questions. You answer all of them and mange to get the guy jailed. Your friends pat your shoulders, but get home and your parents are sure to find fault because they fear that once the guy gets out, he will manage to avenge his embarrassment.

When I told my parents that I slapped a guy in the bus, the first thing my mom did was to yell! “How could you do this? You travel the same route everyday. What if he kidnaps you? Be bold; I have taught you to be so. But who is to face the repercussions?” she would fume!

Today, women are fighting back to their best but is there an end? There can be innumerable if’s and but’s. However the bottom line is that the physically weaker sex has to battle out the fact that the worse of being physically abused is a possibility and it is not a mere issue of popping a pill and forgetting the incident. It remains a scar for life and no woman would want to experience it.

Molesting is yet another concern. It just goes on… I want to end this blog with a true story.

A girl in her early twenties came to the hospital in the middle of the night. Barely able to stand, she introduced herself and requested to be admitted immediately failing which she would die! The receptionist took quick action and the girl was put in the ICU. She claimed that she was a medical student who went out with her male friends, 9 in number, for a drink, she being the only female. She felt nauseas while drinking and realised that she was drugged. Her own friends raped her one after the other and left her at the gates of the hospital! The scene was unbearable! Till date, the memories are vivid. I spoke with the girl’s mother. I don’t know if she knew the truth or was concealing it but she maintained that her daughter had a pancreas problem. Which mother would tell the world this, especially when the girl’s engagement was due in a week’s time? It seems filmy all right? But being witness to this incident myself, I can never forget the girl begging for water and not a soul reaching out to her. The duty doctor was subjecting her to questions so bad that the girl was traumatised mentally also… Whether a movie or a true story, does it not anger you?