I received my passport when I was 16 years old. In India, a cop comes home to verify your address and only then hands over the passport to you. However, when he came home, I was not there and a note invited me to the area’s police station.
Not having committed any crime before, not having lost my mobile phone till then (Received my first mobile phone just a couple of months earlier, obviously my life came a close second compared to my phone, so there was no way of losing it!), thankfully not having to complain against any crime witnessed whatsoever – I’d never been to a police station. The only picture I had of a police station was like the ones I'd seen in movies. So expecting something like that, I responded to the invitation of the cop and went with my aunt.
After the verification, I was given my passport along with some sort of a sticker which had ‘Police Day’ printed on it. I looked at the cop and thanked him thinking it was some sort of a freebie (not that I was interested in getting a sticker). He gave me this weird grin and said, “When I came to your house, you weren’t there. Now you come during my working hours, how can you leave me empty handed? Pay for the sticker.”
I looked at my aunt, who without batting an eyelid, removed a 50 buck note and handed it over to the cop and dragged me out of the station. My first experience with bribing - corruption indirectly. An aspiring journalist that I was back then, I just couldn't keep quiet but thanks to my aunt who gave me ‘that’ look and I silently followed her. “First of all, we are coming to a place where women should not be going and now you want to argue? What if he did not give you the passport and marked you as a criminal or something?” My mind kept telling me she’s wrong but in my heart I did feel fear.
8 years later, now, I took my parents to the revamped passport office to apply for a new passport. The passport service, now being taken care of TCS is a boon for sure. No more middle-men, one has to book appointments in advance and at every stage, there are professionals to help you get your passport. My experience at the office in order to update my marital status was hassle free though the process took me 4 hours. The wait was worthwhile.
Coming to my experience when I took my parents was quite different. For those who are not net savvy, they queue up at the office and since only a fixed number is sent in to apply for their passports without prior appointment, the queue begins at an inhuman hour. People apparently come at 4 in the morning hoping to be the first ones to enter. My parents and I joined the queue at around 8 am which I thought was decent for a 9.30 am open, I was instantly proven wrong.
9.30 am arrived and all hell broke loose. The first 30 quickly walked in and someone who had been waiting since 6 am who was not one of the lucky ones obviously got angry and a huge fight followed. Somehow many others managed to get in claiming they came to check their forms, so on and so forth. This time around, I gave in to what I call corruption! I went to one of the concerned people and explained that my mom was ill and could not come again and stand in another long queue. Thanks to them for considering what I said, I managed to get passports for my parents on that day itself.
Sick with guilt that I resorted to something as cheap as giving my mom’s health a reason to get work done; I also felt in some way I was feeding corruption. I may have been truthful about the reason, but imagine if 4 other healthy people came with such claims and got their work done as well?
Why am I saying all this? When Anna Hazare started his anti-corruption fast, it got me all thinking. Hats off to this man for starting something which was long awaited; also to all those tens of thousands who have joined hands in pledging support. But before joining him in the noble cause, we must pledge not to give way to corruption and then fight against the same. Anna Hazare, I pledge my support, but give me time to change myself and then I am sure I will stand up against corruption.
Showing posts with label Social Issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Social Issues. Show all posts
Friday, April 8, 2011
Friday, April 30, 2010
RED means STOP!!
March last year, my mother was admitted to the hospital and was given just 48 hours to survive. After 2 days in the normal ward, sometime during the midnight, nurses flocked into the room and kept monitoring her BP and heart beat. I was trying to study for my final exams and couldn’t concentrate obviously!
Over the years, I have gotten used to hospital smells, the nurses’ faces and most things associated with the very mention of a hospital. Those moments of fluttering activity around my mom was enough evidence that she was not going to be in that ward for long. With an arduous task of lifting her and transferring her to a stretcher, she was rushed to the Intensive Care Unit.
Those few hours till day break were hell. Two hours after she was taken in, the tension within me broke out for reasons unexpected. About 50 people walked into the hospital with two men on stretchers. All I could see was blood, cuts, open wounds and parts of their clothing. The moans and groans from them was the only confirmation that they had some life in them. They were rushed into the very same ICU where my mom was lying.
I watched two women among the 50 odd people wail, and little kids, sleepy eyed, and completely unaware of what was happening. My heart went out to them as this was not a case of natural illness causing pain but an inhuman act causing much more than sheer pain. Each of the men present in that group looked no less than rowdies; one yelling, one abusing, one making calls and the others fighting with the poor security guard whose job was in jeopardy for allowing so many people into the ICU almost at this hour.
Both were operated upon the following day and all ICU visiting hour rules were broken. People walked in and out like bees in spite of the hospital staff doing as much as they could. I did not dare ask anybody what or who caused this sort of bludgeoning to the men. When I walked into the ICU to see my mom, I’d take a peek at the beds nearby to see if the men felt any better.
But we could not take the torture beyond two days. Eventually I requested my mom to be shifted out to another hospital as the tantrums thrown by the so called friends and relatives of the injured men were disturbing all of us. I later got to know that the two men were real estate businessmen with local rowdy connections to help them with their dealings. As in the movies, one group had a misunderstanding with the other and bloodbath followed.
All this I managed to bury deep not because it involved blood and other gory material but this phase involved my dear mother and I wanted to wipe it all off until today when it all came back.
This morning in the local newspaper, I read about a rowdy being done to death by another gang in front his of own family - wife, children and sister. It evoked two emotions in me:
1. Good a rowdy got killed. It makes it one less now.
2. Pity for the family. He’s a bread earner after all. And watching the head of the family being killed or for that matter, any family member, is agonizing.
Why choose to go the wrong way? I was watching this show on prostitution and the ladies involved always blamed their bad upbringing, abusive parents and so on. But why did she have to choose this way? She could have chosen even a sweeper’s job and kept her dignity intact!
Similarly why choose to be a rowdy when you know you have a loving family back home? Even if you were single, you have just one life to live, why can’t you be something more dignified instead?!
All that will remain in the minds and hearts of those family members who witnessed the gory act is pain, anger and more anger. This may also induce the next generation to avenge the pain caused. Instead if there was no rowdy, no anger, and all the other negativities, the kids would have grown up to be righteous people unless otherwise.
There can’t be good always, but then we all can follow the age old saying – BE GOOD DO GOOD!
Over the years, I have gotten used to hospital smells, the nurses’ faces and most things associated with the very mention of a hospital. Those moments of fluttering activity around my mom was enough evidence that she was not going to be in that ward for long. With an arduous task of lifting her and transferring her to a stretcher, she was rushed to the Intensive Care Unit.
Those few hours till day break were hell. Two hours after she was taken in, the tension within me broke out for reasons unexpected. About 50 people walked into the hospital with two men on stretchers. All I could see was blood, cuts, open wounds and parts of their clothing. The moans and groans from them was the only confirmation that they had some life in them. They were rushed into the very same ICU where my mom was lying.
I watched two women among the 50 odd people wail, and little kids, sleepy eyed, and completely unaware of what was happening. My heart went out to them as this was not a case of natural illness causing pain but an inhuman act causing much more than sheer pain. Each of the men present in that group looked no less than rowdies; one yelling, one abusing, one making calls and the others fighting with the poor security guard whose job was in jeopardy for allowing so many people into the ICU almost at this hour.
Both were operated upon the following day and all ICU visiting hour rules were broken. People walked in and out like bees in spite of the hospital staff doing as much as they could. I did not dare ask anybody what or who caused this sort of bludgeoning to the men. When I walked into the ICU to see my mom, I’d take a peek at the beds nearby to see if the men felt any better.
But we could not take the torture beyond two days. Eventually I requested my mom to be shifted out to another hospital as the tantrums thrown by the so called friends and relatives of the injured men were disturbing all of us. I later got to know that the two men were real estate businessmen with local rowdy connections to help them with their dealings. As in the movies, one group had a misunderstanding with the other and bloodbath followed.
All this I managed to bury deep not because it involved blood and other gory material but this phase involved my dear mother and I wanted to wipe it all off until today when it all came back.
This morning in the local newspaper, I read about a rowdy being done to death by another gang in front his of own family - wife, children and sister. It evoked two emotions in me:
1. Good a rowdy got killed. It makes it one less now.
2. Pity for the family. He’s a bread earner after all. And watching the head of the family being killed or for that matter, any family member, is agonizing.
Why choose to go the wrong way? I was watching this show on prostitution and the ladies involved always blamed their bad upbringing, abusive parents and so on. But why did she have to choose this way? She could have chosen even a sweeper’s job and kept her dignity intact!
Similarly why choose to be a rowdy when you know you have a loving family back home? Even if you were single, you have just one life to live, why can’t you be something more dignified instead?!
All that will remain in the minds and hearts of those family members who witnessed the gory act is pain, anger and more anger. This may also induce the next generation to avenge the pain caused. Instead if there was no rowdy, no anger, and all the other negativities, the kids would have grown up to be righteous people unless otherwise.
There can’t be good always, but then we all can follow the age old saying – BE GOOD DO GOOD!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
World minus mommies!
Precisely at 3:30 every evening, when I step into my home, I find my mother’s warm, welcoming smile greeting me. The following cup of coffee, the snacks she makes and her patient listening is all a child requires. At precisely the same 3.30 in the evening, when the door is locked and I have to unlock it and make myself a cup of coffee, the steam does not come from the coffee but my ears! Anger, irritation and all the other negative emotions take over the system.
“Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own”, said Aristotle. Ignoring the pun, one sure knows what value our mothers hold.
Even if we belong to the middle-aged group, our mothers will be the same and I am sure we hear the common dialogue from them, “You are my baby even if you are this old!”
Our movies have portrayed the ‘mother sentiment’ countless times. Be it the ‘Mere paas maa hai’ dialogue or our Southern super star’s take on the importance of mothers in every opening song of his.
Forget those who deny their parents the basic love, but in general, most of us depend on our mothers for almost everything in life. When a single day without her can be so alarming, what if she leaves us for good?
Such is the looming fate, the unfortunate fate of a mother who nurtures her kids for 16 weeks in her womb with all the love and affection just as ours. But her life hangs on a wire and the possibility of she being able to see her kids grow is bleak. The mortality rate of her kids is also high; approximately 50% do not survive to reach two years. Even if they do manage to survive, her own likelihood of survival is weak.
The cause for her and her poor babies’ premature death- US! Yes, in a way, through illegal trade, as means of subsistence and many more reasons, we are contributing to the extinction of the beloved mother and her family; the family of tigers. Thanks to us, we have already contributed to the extinction of 3 of her relative species; The Bali, Caspian, and Javan tigers and the fourth, the South China tiger is on its way to becoming extinct.
What would a husband do without his mother and wife? What would children would without their mother? The same rule applies to them as well. We, as humans, have absolutely no rights to deprive them of their loved ones. One mother gone, the entire family loses its backbone. With no mothers, what will the males do? Where do the offspring come from?
Let’s give these babies the joy of having their mothers around. SAVE THE TIGERS!
“Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own”, said Aristotle. Ignoring the pun, one sure knows what value our mothers hold.
Even if we belong to the middle-aged group, our mothers will be the same and I am sure we hear the common dialogue from them, “You are my baby even if you are this old!”
Our movies have portrayed the ‘mother sentiment’ countless times. Be it the ‘Mere paas maa hai’ dialogue or our Southern super star’s take on the importance of mothers in every opening song of his.
Forget those who deny their parents the basic love, but in general, most of us depend on our mothers for almost everything in life. When a single day without her can be so alarming, what if she leaves us for good?
Such is the looming fate, the unfortunate fate of a mother who nurtures her kids for 16 weeks in her womb with all the love and affection just as ours. But her life hangs on a wire and the possibility of she being able to see her kids grow is bleak. The mortality rate of her kids is also high; approximately 50% do not survive to reach two years. Even if they do manage to survive, her own likelihood of survival is weak.
The cause for her and her poor babies’ premature death- US! Yes, in a way, through illegal trade, as means of subsistence and many more reasons, we are contributing to the extinction of the beloved mother and her family; the family of tigers. Thanks to us, we have already contributed to the extinction of 3 of her relative species; The Bali, Caspian, and Javan tigers and the fourth, the South China tiger is on its way to becoming extinct.
What would a husband do without his mother and wife? What would children would without their mother? The same rule applies to them as well. We, as humans, have absolutely no rights to deprive them of their loved ones. One mother gone, the entire family loses its backbone. With no mothers, what will the males do? Where do the offspring come from?
Let’s give these babies the joy of having their mothers around. SAVE THE TIGERS!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Metro blues continue…
If there were a hundred reasons for the citizens of Bangalore to frown upon the ongoing metro work, I just found another!
Just yesterday in class, discussions as to how the metro rail works were faring was on and it all boiled down to the most essential problem – traffic, quite but naturally. Some call it the most overrated topic at present but also imperative in more ways than one. Hard to believe, but it took me over an hour to reach Rajajinagar from Malleswaram! (For those who are not aware of these areas and their distances; Malleshwaram and Rajajinagar are residential areas situated in the north of Bangalore and they are at a distance of about 4 kilometres!)
The auto rickshaw driver couldn’t hide his frustration and so couldn’t I! He made the following observations and they did make lots of sense:
1. The number of vehicles on road are just increasing and by 2012 which is supposedly the deadline for the Metro rails to begin functioning, the number is sure not going to decrease. Nobody is going to sell his vehicle and commute by these trains.
2. The Volvo buses running in the city currently have seen a decline in the number of commuters. By paying an amount more than the fares of normal buses; say they do not get a seat to sit, why would they want to take the Volvo then? They rather pay 5 or 10 bucks lesser and travel comfortably in our autos.
Travelling comfortably is what he claims and vouches for; safety I surely can’t vouch for! Anyway that apart, what he said did make sense to a large extent.
With all the collapses witnessed, Bangalore is sure apprehensive about the entire project. Moreover, my lecturer informed us that recently a study was conducted where it was found that the authorities in-charge were not even aware of who actually initiated the idea of having the Metro Rail in the city! Yes, we have the developers and the planning body, but under whose initiation, they were not aware of.
The 101st reason I was talking about came in the form of my domestic help. She lives in an area where the Metro work has to begin. The authorities have allocated houses for them in another locality and they are to move out within a deadline.
My domestic help is just 24 years old with 2 children; the boy who is 5 and is studying in an English medium school and a girl who is just 2.5 years old. It is a matter of pride that at 24, an uneducated woman with 2 growing children and an alcoholic husband is working really hard so that her kids can afford an English medium school!
Many domestic helps are sending their children to schools run by the government and due to lack of facilities, lethargy from the authorities’ side and so on, most kids eventually drop out and take to other odd jobs. But this lady from the very same community is ready to spend that extra hour, stretch that extra muscle to earn that extra rupee to send her kids to a good school. And here comes a railway project asking her to relocate.
Yes, one may say just ask her to get her children admitted to another school in the new locality. But we are all aware of how our system functions and I do not need to elaborate. It is not about questioning the system right now, but I really pity the poor woman. Her alcoholic husband and mother-in-law have absolutely no issues in relocating, but she fears the near future of her kids and rightly so. She says she’s rather look for a house in the same area again and pay rent by renting out the house which the government has allocated for her family.
It is first of all rare to see this section of our society coming forward and trying to brighten their kids’ future and now a project as this is just turning out to be a hurdle. Like adding feathers to one’s cap in terms of achievements, the ‘Namma Metro’ project is adding many feathers for the wrong reasons.
Just yesterday in class, discussions as to how the metro rail works were faring was on and it all boiled down to the most essential problem – traffic, quite but naturally. Some call it the most overrated topic at present but also imperative in more ways than one. Hard to believe, but it took me over an hour to reach Rajajinagar from Malleswaram! (For those who are not aware of these areas and their distances; Malleshwaram and Rajajinagar are residential areas situated in the north of Bangalore and they are at a distance of about 4 kilometres!)
The auto rickshaw driver couldn’t hide his frustration and so couldn’t I! He made the following observations and they did make lots of sense:
1. The number of vehicles on road are just increasing and by 2012 which is supposedly the deadline for the Metro rails to begin functioning, the number is sure not going to decrease. Nobody is going to sell his vehicle and commute by these trains.
2. The Volvo buses running in the city currently have seen a decline in the number of commuters. By paying an amount more than the fares of normal buses; say they do not get a seat to sit, why would they want to take the Volvo then? They rather pay 5 or 10 bucks lesser and travel comfortably in our autos.
Travelling comfortably is what he claims and vouches for; safety I surely can’t vouch for! Anyway that apart, what he said did make sense to a large extent.
With all the collapses witnessed, Bangalore is sure apprehensive about the entire project. Moreover, my lecturer informed us that recently a study was conducted where it was found that the authorities in-charge were not even aware of who actually initiated the idea of having the Metro Rail in the city! Yes, we have the developers and the planning body, but under whose initiation, they were not aware of.
The 101st reason I was talking about came in the form of my domestic help. She lives in an area where the Metro work has to begin. The authorities have allocated houses for them in another locality and they are to move out within a deadline.
My domestic help is just 24 years old with 2 children; the boy who is 5 and is studying in an English medium school and a girl who is just 2.5 years old. It is a matter of pride that at 24, an uneducated woman with 2 growing children and an alcoholic husband is working really hard so that her kids can afford an English medium school!
Many domestic helps are sending their children to schools run by the government and due to lack of facilities, lethargy from the authorities’ side and so on, most kids eventually drop out and take to other odd jobs. But this lady from the very same community is ready to spend that extra hour, stretch that extra muscle to earn that extra rupee to send her kids to a good school. And here comes a railway project asking her to relocate.
Yes, one may say just ask her to get her children admitted to another school in the new locality. But we are all aware of how our system functions and I do not need to elaborate. It is not about questioning the system right now, but I really pity the poor woman. Her alcoholic husband and mother-in-law have absolutely no issues in relocating, but she fears the near future of her kids and rightly so. She says she’s rather look for a house in the same area again and pay rent by renting out the house which the government has allocated for her family.
It is first of all rare to see this section of our society coming forward and trying to brighten their kids’ future and now a project as this is just turning out to be a hurdle. Like adding feathers to one’s cap in terms of achievements, the ‘Namma Metro’ project is adding many feathers for the wrong reasons.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Lament of a concerned Indian!
The death of Nitin Garg, an Indian, working in Australia didn’t come as a surprise to me. It was to happen soon. My biggest surprise is that we Indians still want to get out of our own country and settle down in such places after being fully aware of such incidents.
Personally, my own childhood friend lost his eyesight due to a racial attack in Australia a couple of years ago and I was devastated. Being my own age, he had his entire life ahead of him. Even if it weren’t his own choice to go settle down abroad, his dad got a job offer which he couldn’t decline.
What is it that we Indians do not get here which entices so many thousands and lakhs of the citizens to move out? Is it the dough, the standard of living, pride or what? Frankly, I have not stepped out of my country in the 23 years of my living, which may not qualify me to talk about this topic, but after seeing so many incidents, reading about them and so on, my questions and curiosity just keep mounting!
When I was 15 or so, a whole bunch of older guys and girls in my apartment left their homes to pursue their higher education abroad. The whole apartment went silent and for about a few months, it felt eerie actually. Most of the fun was lost. However, there emerged two sets of parents, both proud of course! One not worried about the tons of money which has gone in the form of education fees and so on, but just the sheer pride of being able to tell everyone else that their sons or daughters were studying in an elite school. The other set, proud yes, but worried if all the savings spent on sending the kids would reap them any benefits, if any.
They are all well settled now but then the yearning to come back to their own country and homes is seen quite clearly. Initially after completing their education, they’d definitely want to stay back for some years to get back what they invested or maybe more. But at what mental and emotional cost?
Other than corruption controlling the country, I frankly think our country lacks nothing. You can walk on the streets with absolutely no fear of being attacked just ‘because you’re NOT FAIR! Here in India, only women cannot get out after a certain time for the fear of being raped or whatever. In other countries, even our much revered men have to watch their backs! Men are treated like God here and there, worse than a dog!
So what if you get a salary in mere Indian rupees? So what if you have to walk down the street and buy veggies in a broken wooden gaadi? It is not about earning in dollars or pounds, going to a mall every other day and being able to afford a Gucci or a Louis Vitton. When you’re not well, it’s about getting that hot cup of chai from your loved one and not having to make one yourself.
And why choose countries which are known for racial discrimination? Half the society must be behind bars by now for all the atrocity done. There’s no point in pointing fingers at wasted people. We’d rather live where we belong, where we are wanted and where there are no uncalled-for fears.
The direct causes of suffering are desire or craving, and ignorance – Lord Buddha.
Personally, my own childhood friend lost his eyesight due to a racial attack in Australia a couple of years ago and I was devastated. Being my own age, he had his entire life ahead of him. Even if it weren’t his own choice to go settle down abroad, his dad got a job offer which he couldn’t decline.
What is it that we Indians do not get here which entices so many thousands and lakhs of the citizens to move out? Is it the dough, the standard of living, pride or what? Frankly, I have not stepped out of my country in the 23 years of my living, which may not qualify me to talk about this topic, but after seeing so many incidents, reading about them and so on, my questions and curiosity just keep mounting!
When I was 15 or so, a whole bunch of older guys and girls in my apartment left their homes to pursue their higher education abroad. The whole apartment went silent and for about a few months, it felt eerie actually. Most of the fun was lost. However, there emerged two sets of parents, both proud of course! One not worried about the tons of money which has gone in the form of education fees and so on, but just the sheer pride of being able to tell everyone else that their sons or daughters were studying in an elite school. The other set, proud yes, but worried if all the savings spent on sending the kids would reap them any benefits, if any.
They are all well settled now but then the yearning to come back to their own country and homes is seen quite clearly. Initially after completing their education, they’d definitely want to stay back for some years to get back what they invested or maybe more. But at what mental and emotional cost?
Other than corruption controlling the country, I frankly think our country lacks nothing. You can walk on the streets with absolutely no fear of being attacked just ‘because you’re NOT FAIR! Here in India, only women cannot get out after a certain time for the fear of being raped or whatever. In other countries, even our much revered men have to watch their backs! Men are treated like God here and there, worse than a dog!
So what if you get a salary in mere Indian rupees? So what if you have to walk down the street and buy veggies in a broken wooden gaadi? It is not about earning in dollars or pounds, going to a mall every other day and being able to afford a Gucci or a Louis Vitton. When you’re not well, it’s about getting that hot cup of chai from your loved one and not having to make one yourself.
And why choose countries which are known for racial discrimination? Half the society must be behind bars by now for all the atrocity done. There’s no point in pointing fingers at wasted people. We’d rather live where we belong, where we are wanted and where there are no uncalled-for fears.
The direct causes of suffering are desire or craving, and ignorance – Lord Buddha.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The other way!
She/he walked towards my auto-rickshaw and I freaked out! My hair was tussled and she/he extended her/his hand for money. My mother nudged me to give the money and I obliged. As I put the coin in his/her hands, the hand went towards my mom and touched her head this time and out came the words, "May you be blessed with good health."
I smiled at my mother. Was it the relief that she/he left or that the blessings suited my mom best? I couldn’t tell. I only knew that I always despised this clan and swore to myself that I’d write an article opposed to such behaviour. I never did so, but a program I saw a couple of days ago summoned me to write this piece but with a changed view!
This set of people, call them eunuchs, transgender or anything you please are always associated to being those who harass us, men especially, for money and are also known to be sex objects. I believed this to be true, still do. The number of times I have seen them place their hands on unmentionable places of embarrassed men just for those notes, makes me puke! I still remember grimacing when I was filling out an application form in a prestigious college in Chennai when the ‘gender’ column had space for transgenders too.
But the grimace has now changed into a sense of empathy, not entirely, but to some extent. Those grotesque visuals of the weirdly dressed, harassing men are not helping much to convert myself to being empathetic entirely!
There was this show on Travel and Living which showcased the lives of this group in Bangalore, about how they got into such groups, thrown out by their families and what they do for a living. I was astounded by the fact that they were well-educated men, who wanted to consider themselves women. One such was ‘Radhika’, name obviously changed! She came from an affluent family, did the usual ‘boy’ stuff, playing cricket, eyeing girls et all. But the dominance of feminine feelings took over and no surprises, he was kicked out from the family! The metamorphosis is striking! Nose ring, waxing, long hair – no traces of being a man at all, except for the voice!
Most of them come into the eunuch groups with a similar story. One even had ‘his’ mother come over every month just to pay a visit to her once ‘son’! The mother laments that she cannot take her child back in any form considering the society and her own husband. While on the other hand, the converted openly revere Elton John and the like for being a self-acclaimed homosexual.
What made my heart melt was the process of castration. Each of them gave their gory version of it – Before even having the castration, they had to spend a whole year massaging lorry drivers’ body, bathe them, and sexually satisfy them. Only if they managed to endure this period, would the castration take place. And when it does, it is not a very pleasant experience for them. One, they are happy that they will do away with their masculine qualities but the process is arduous.
In a dimly lit room, steel beds await them. They are fully aware that the place is unhygienic, but do they have a choice? They are castrated in a hurry and it is disheartening to hear what they go through. Their choice you may say. True. But it does hurt. Period. Not everyone can afford sex-changing operations and they make do with what ever available. One even complained that it took 8 months to heal but that was no excuse for all the sexual acts they went through.
Now, I actually believe that the college in Chennai did a commendable job by having reserved some seats for them too. I don’t think it will hurt them or us, if they are given some respect in the society. Why would one agree to live the life of a prostitute if something better was in store? One of them said she was ready to sweep the streets everyday, if only she got the job. I know your hair stands up every time they approach you to grab all we have but I don’t think they’d want to do it either.
When I was casually mentioning this, my friend shot back saying some men, just to make quick money, would wax their bodies, drape a saree and go around carrying out this heinous act! I almost fell off my seat. How could people even think of this?? This will all stop when:
• We show this group some respect and accept that this is their way of life
• Give them a chance to work amidst us
• Yes, there are loopholes everywhere, no one is perfect, but if one lives life with dignity, the rest are bound to follow
I’d like to end by mentioning one such eunuch, Rose. She is featured on a Tamil channel, where she talks to those distressed, has talks on general issues and the like. I must tell you, she emanates a lot of knowledge. My friend even had a personal chat with her and she cleared my doubts. She was a woman with a lot of conviction and passion. Such people are to be looked up to whatever their gender maybe!
I smiled at my mother. Was it the relief that she/he left or that the blessings suited my mom best? I couldn’t tell. I only knew that I always despised this clan and swore to myself that I’d write an article opposed to such behaviour. I never did so, but a program I saw a couple of days ago summoned me to write this piece but with a changed view!
This set of people, call them eunuchs, transgender or anything you please are always associated to being those who harass us, men especially, for money and are also known to be sex objects. I believed this to be true, still do. The number of times I have seen them place their hands on unmentionable places of embarrassed men just for those notes, makes me puke! I still remember grimacing when I was filling out an application form in a prestigious college in Chennai when the ‘gender’ column had space for transgenders too.
But the grimace has now changed into a sense of empathy, not entirely, but to some extent. Those grotesque visuals of the weirdly dressed, harassing men are not helping much to convert myself to being empathetic entirely!
There was this show on Travel and Living which showcased the lives of this group in Bangalore, about how they got into such groups, thrown out by their families and what they do for a living. I was astounded by the fact that they were well-educated men, who wanted to consider themselves women. One such was ‘Radhika’, name obviously changed! She came from an affluent family, did the usual ‘boy’ stuff, playing cricket, eyeing girls et all. But the dominance of feminine feelings took over and no surprises, he was kicked out from the family! The metamorphosis is striking! Nose ring, waxing, long hair – no traces of being a man at all, except for the voice!
Most of them come into the eunuch groups with a similar story. One even had ‘his’ mother come over every month just to pay a visit to her once ‘son’! The mother laments that she cannot take her child back in any form considering the society and her own husband. While on the other hand, the converted openly revere Elton John and the like for being a self-acclaimed homosexual.
What made my heart melt was the process of castration. Each of them gave their gory version of it – Before even having the castration, they had to spend a whole year massaging lorry drivers’ body, bathe them, and sexually satisfy them. Only if they managed to endure this period, would the castration take place. And when it does, it is not a very pleasant experience for them. One, they are happy that they will do away with their masculine qualities but the process is arduous.
In a dimly lit room, steel beds await them. They are fully aware that the place is unhygienic, but do they have a choice? They are castrated in a hurry and it is disheartening to hear what they go through. Their choice you may say. True. But it does hurt. Period. Not everyone can afford sex-changing operations and they make do with what ever available. One even complained that it took 8 months to heal but that was no excuse for all the sexual acts they went through.
Now, I actually believe that the college in Chennai did a commendable job by having reserved some seats for them too. I don’t think it will hurt them or us, if they are given some respect in the society. Why would one agree to live the life of a prostitute if something better was in store? One of them said she was ready to sweep the streets everyday, if only she got the job. I know your hair stands up every time they approach you to grab all we have but I don’t think they’d want to do it either.
When I was casually mentioning this, my friend shot back saying some men, just to make quick money, would wax their bodies, drape a saree and go around carrying out this heinous act! I almost fell off my seat. How could people even think of this?? This will all stop when:
• We show this group some respect and accept that this is their way of life
• Give them a chance to work amidst us
• Yes, there are loopholes everywhere, no one is perfect, but if one lives life with dignity, the rest are bound to follow
I’d like to end by mentioning one such eunuch, Rose. She is featured on a Tamil channel, where she talks to those distressed, has talks on general issues and the like. I must tell you, she emanates a lot of knowledge. My friend even had a personal chat with her and she cleared my doubts. She was a woman with a lot of conviction and passion. Such people are to be looked up to whatever their gender maybe!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Tired, fed up!
We fight for women reservation bills; at the same time we fight against gender bias! Feminist thoughts, articles, stories – we have an endless list. But go home, the lady will still stand in the kitchen, perspiring and watching over 4 dishes at a time. Yes, the man chops veggies, helps here and there but predominantly the woman is at work.
I once overheard two women speaking and one was of the view that however intelligent a lady is, what ever height she reaches, at the end of the day, she needs to get home to feed her family, whether it consists of husband and kids or parents. This blog is not about who the ‘stronger sex’ is but whether these debates and fights are really relevant considering what women, educated or uneducated, mentally strong or otherwise, go through on a day-to-day basis.
I have been witness to this dirty act since class 10. First it was shock, then anger, more anger, frustration and finally it reached a stage of getting fed up! It is so disgusting to even pen it, but then it has to be brought to light. My friends and I were waiting to be picked up right opposite the school premises. A construction work was in progress and the mason at work, sitting on a bike was staring at us. We just presumed him to be one of those men who generally pass time looking at girls for I don’t know what pleasure?! Some time later we guessed that something was wrong. He kept looking at his crotch with his hands there!! That’s when we knew what he was up to – masturbating that too in the open! Disgusting as it is even when I write it, as kids we were dumbfounded and actually feared. We decided not to wait anymore and just walked back home!
Not knowing if we should bring it up in the open, we let it be and forgot the incident slowly. Next in college, the same happened on a lonely road, but this time I was alone. The guy stood in a shady place and was at it. The minute I saw him, I sensed trouble. Talk of women being strong – I told myself I am not going to let him deter me and I kept walking. He followed me right till home and that’s when fear crept in again. At 4 in the evening, broad daylight, they have so much experience that no one else notices! This time again, fear took over boldness.
But the next day, some of us went to the nearby police station and lodged a complaint. As usual, the police in duty had all sorts of questions to which we obviously didn’t have precise answers to. Can you recognise him? Precisely at what time is he there? How many of them? Imagine, you looking at that creep’s face, knowing his ‘business’ hours and his partners in crime? You’d just want to leave the place as soon as possible! But the police did help us by patrolling the area for about a week and the nuisance stopped only to our dismay that the same thing was happening in a nearby college now.
If such incidents happen in the open, women have a way of getting out; either by getting out of the place, lodging a complaint or by boldly confronting him. But what if it happens when you are alone with such a person? I have experienced this too in an auto where the driver was at it. Most of us are used to these auto drivers looking at us through his mirror. But this was taking a filthy turn. I yelled asking him to stop the auto and he would not budge. At that moment your brains just fail to work! I sent SMS’s to friends with the guy’s number and where I was heading to, but was just praying he’d drop me wherever I was to go. He did do it after a lot of threatening.
I was once in a bus when I slapped a man. I got the driver to stop the bus. The women around abused him and he was made to get down. This is the maximum I could go. Why don’t women go further? We talk of being equal, yes, agreed. But physically, we still remain the weaker sex. We as women have the most precious gift of becoming a mother, but the same gift is a curse at times. Men do have an upper hand when it comes to this. Many would disagree saying I fall in the category where women aren’t bold enough, but I beg to differ. A woman is questioned about her virginity and it is tested too. But a man? You can check maybe. But does anyone question him? I believe there is an age old tradition which is still followed in many households. When the first night for the newly weds happen, a white cloth is laid on the bed and the next morning, much to the chagrin of the young bride, the cloth is scrutinized by the elders in the family to check her virginity!
Getting back, you go a step ahead and confront him. What if they are a group and manage to sexually abuse you? You go to the police and are asked a several questions. You answer all of them and mange to get the guy jailed. Your friends pat your shoulders, but get home and your parents are sure to find fault because they fear that once the guy gets out, he will manage to avenge his embarrassment.
When I told my parents that I slapped a guy in the bus, the first thing my mom did was to yell! “How could you do this? You travel the same route everyday. What if he kidnaps you? Be bold; I have taught you to be so. But who is to face the repercussions?” she would fume!
Today, women are fighting back to their best but is there an end? There can be innumerable if’s and but’s. However the bottom line is that the physically weaker sex has to battle out the fact that the worse of being physically abused is a possibility and it is not a mere issue of popping a pill and forgetting the incident. It remains a scar for life and no woman would want to experience it.
Molesting is yet another concern. It just goes on… I want to end this blog with a true story.
A girl in her early twenties came to the hospital in the middle of the night. Barely able to stand, she introduced herself and requested to be admitted immediately failing which she would die! The receptionist took quick action and the girl was put in the ICU. She claimed that she was a medical student who went out with her male friends, 9 in number, for a drink, she being the only female. She felt nauseas while drinking and realised that she was drugged. Her own friends raped her one after the other and left her at the gates of the hospital! The scene was unbearable! Till date, the memories are vivid. I spoke with the girl’s mother. I don’t know if she knew the truth or was concealing it but she maintained that her daughter had a pancreas problem. Which mother would tell the world this, especially when the girl’s engagement was due in a week’s time? It seems filmy all right? But being witness to this incident myself, I can never forget the girl begging for water and not a soul reaching out to her. The duty doctor was subjecting her to questions so bad that the girl was traumatised mentally also… Whether a movie or a true story, does it not anger you?
I once overheard two women speaking and one was of the view that however intelligent a lady is, what ever height she reaches, at the end of the day, she needs to get home to feed her family, whether it consists of husband and kids or parents. This blog is not about who the ‘stronger sex’ is but whether these debates and fights are really relevant considering what women, educated or uneducated, mentally strong or otherwise, go through on a day-to-day basis.
I have been witness to this dirty act since class 10. First it was shock, then anger, more anger, frustration and finally it reached a stage of getting fed up! It is so disgusting to even pen it, but then it has to be brought to light. My friends and I were waiting to be picked up right opposite the school premises. A construction work was in progress and the mason at work, sitting on a bike was staring at us. We just presumed him to be one of those men who generally pass time looking at girls for I don’t know what pleasure?! Some time later we guessed that something was wrong. He kept looking at his crotch with his hands there!! That’s when we knew what he was up to – masturbating that too in the open! Disgusting as it is even when I write it, as kids we were dumbfounded and actually feared. We decided not to wait anymore and just walked back home!
Not knowing if we should bring it up in the open, we let it be and forgot the incident slowly. Next in college, the same happened on a lonely road, but this time I was alone. The guy stood in a shady place and was at it. The minute I saw him, I sensed trouble. Talk of women being strong – I told myself I am not going to let him deter me and I kept walking. He followed me right till home and that’s when fear crept in again. At 4 in the evening, broad daylight, they have so much experience that no one else notices! This time again, fear took over boldness.
But the next day, some of us went to the nearby police station and lodged a complaint. As usual, the police in duty had all sorts of questions to which we obviously didn’t have precise answers to. Can you recognise him? Precisely at what time is he there? How many of them? Imagine, you looking at that creep’s face, knowing his ‘business’ hours and his partners in crime? You’d just want to leave the place as soon as possible! But the police did help us by patrolling the area for about a week and the nuisance stopped only to our dismay that the same thing was happening in a nearby college now.
If such incidents happen in the open, women have a way of getting out; either by getting out of the place, lodging a complaint or by boldly confronting him. But what if it happens when you are alone with such a person? I have experienced this too in an auto where the driver was at it. Most of us are used to these auto drivers looking at us through his mirror. But this was taking a filthy turn. I yelled asking him to stop the auto and he would not budge. At that moment your brains just fail to work! I sent SMS’s to friends with the guy’s number and where I was heading to, but was just praying he’d drop me wherever I was to go. He did do it after a lot of threatening.
I was once in a bus when I slapped a man. I got the driver to stop the bus. The women around abused him and he was made to get down. This is the maximum I could go. Why don’t women go further? We talk of being equal, yes, agreed. But physically, we still remain the weaker sex. We as women have the most precious gift of becoming a mother, but the same gift is a curse at times. Men do have an upper hand when it comes to this. Many would disagree saying I fall in the category where women aren’t bold enough, but I beg to differ. A woman is questioned about her virginity and it is tested too. But a man? You can check maybe. But does anyone question him? I believe there is an age old tradition which is still followed in many households. When the first night for the newly weds happen, a white cloth is laid on the bed and the next morning, much to the chagrin of the young bride, the cloth is scrutinized by the elders in the family to check her virginity!
Getting back, you go a step ahead and confront him. What if they are a group and manage to sexually abuse you? You go to the police and are asked a several questions. You answer all of them and mange to get the guy jailed. Your friends pat your shoulders, but get home and your parents are sure to find fault because they fear that once the guy gets out, he will manage to avenge his embarrassment.
When I told my parents that I slapped a guy in the bus, the first thing my mom did was to yell! “How could you do this? You travel the same route everyday. What if he kidnaps you? Be bold; I have taught you to be so. But who is to face the repercussions?” she would fume!
Today, women are fighting back to their best but is there an end? There can be innumerable if’s and but’s. However the bottom line is that the physically weaker sex has to battle out the fact that the worse of being physically abused is a possibility and it is not a mere issue of popping a pill and forgetting the incident. It remains a scar for life and no woman would want to experience it.
Molesting is yet another concern. It just goes on… I want to end this blog with a true story.
A girl in her early twenties came to the hospital in the middle of the night. Barely able to stand, she introduced herself and requested to be admitted immediately failing which she would die! The receptionist took quick action and the girl was put in the ICU. She claimed that she was a medical student who went out with her male friends, 9 in number, for a drink, she being the only female. She felt nauseas while drinking and realised that she was drugged. Her own friends raped her one after the other and left her at the gates of the hospital! The scene was unbearable! Till date, the memories are vivid. I spoke with the girl’s mother. I don’t know if she knew the truth or was concealing it but she maintained that her daughter had a pancreas problem. Which mother would tell the world this, especially when the girl’s engagement was due in a week’s time? It seems filmy all right? But being witness to this incident myself, I can never forget the girl begging for water and not a soul reaching out to her. The duty doctor was subjecting her to questions so bad that the girl was traumatised mentally also… Whether a movie or a true story, does it not anger you?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
How young are your young ones?
Last afternoon, our lecturer took us to the college library to show us journals which would help us with our year end projects. Though I claim to be a voracious reader, I would have stepped foot into the library not more than a couple of times for issuing a text book! I walked in with a quite but obvious bored look and went straight to the magazine section. My eyes instantly fell upon last month’s edition of Reader’s Digest. In fact last morning my mother was pushing me to subscribe for the magazine and I was more than willing to. Lovely read the magazine is.
The cover page article spoke of teens and porn, quite a sensitive issue to touch upon. But after reading the entire article it is more a serious issue and definitely not sensitive. It was disgusting to read that kids as young as 7 and 8 years, in the name of playing computer games were actually browsing porn websites and passing on their own pictures to friends of the other gender!
Reading on, kids have become so smart that some term it interest in the human body, some time pass and worse of it all porn becomes the definition of the ‘being cool’! The entire article spoke of the scenario in the USA, so most of us may not care less. It is a known fact that children there are allowed to be independent at a very young age where as in India; we’d be pampered to bits at the same age. Kids there get their cell phones when they are a mere 12 years and sometimes even lesser. I got my first cell phone when I was in class 11, that too after countless times of pleading, fighting and any other tactic I could lay my hands on!
While writing this, I was talking to one of my close friends and he said lot depends on parents and their ways of upbringing. It is silly to say that both parents are working so they have no time; they end up filling their children’s pockets with loads of money and buy them the latest models of phones so that they are in touch with each other. I know of many families where kids are extremely well-behaved in spite of their parents not being around most of the time. I am quite immune to one statement my mother constantly says: “God! Look at how that girl behaves and dresses! I wonder what sort of parents she has. They themselves must be like that!”
My mother on the contrary is extremely broad minded, though there are certain views and values which she stands by, like any one of us. Every time she makes such statements I’d fight back saying it was purely their personal lives and she should not be getting families and parents into it. But after some serious thought I realized some truth in it. When parents are out for almost 12-13 hours they hardly get 4-5 hours with their children and what much can one do in that time? These kids literally live with their friends where they pick up new behaviour, habits etc. If a watchful eye is not kept, you never know what is going on.
Coming back to the fact that the article mentioned above was with respect to USA, I have been witnessing a different sort of happening here. Since I love in Bangalore, I can’t generalize my statement saying it happens all over the country, but after reading this, people may nod heads of similar happenings.
I walk back home from college everyday at a time when most schools close for the day. All the high-end schools flaunt their huge buses dropping their students home. In such buses, the kids are hardly between class 3 and 5, 7 max. So they must be between 8 and 12 years, the same age as mentioned in the US article. When they pass by girls, young women, they pass obscene comments which we women generally hear from ‘Road-Romeos’ or older men! The kids used the four letter word with such ease, I was shell-shocked! See, once we are 17-18, it is quite natural for us to go through this process of learning things in college, watching stuff, friends relating their numerous experiences. Though we are vulnerable at that age too, I think it is a natural process. But at 7 or 12, it is way too young.
I don’t know if these kids picked it up from their browsing, friends but I suspect something else. Cab, van and auto drivers have always been criticized for their misbehaviour and vulgarity of sorts. Not a generalization but mostly this sort of behaviour is rampant today. The drivers are quite young and tend to influence the kids easily with their talks. I have seen many drivers giving access to their phones to the young students. So every time, I experience this sort of ‘harassment’ from the young ones, I try and take a peep at the speeding away driver. Would he teach his own little ones such things?
Day before, I went to watch a movie with my 3 young cousins. One just entering college, one in class 7 and the other 9. There was a scene where the couple was making out and for some strange reason I felt odd with the cousins around. I casually looked at them and they were at total ease, not batting an eyelid. I still remember I happened to watch ‘Titanic’ with my mother in the theatre and I was twisting and turning and looking everywhere else to avoid the scene and mom! Nothing wrong in the scene, but somehow my values would never let me watch stuff like that with my parents and family around.
When I watched those kids, I was feeling a generation apart. I am just 23 but it felt so far off! I am not even close to being a parent but these fears have already taken stride. Parents today, whether at home or are working must surely keep track before things go haywire. I am not a parent, so I would not know the practicalities but then choosing your maids, kid’s help, drivers etc is so important. Yes, you may not be able to constantly tab them but I am sure changing them periodically or getting someone who has been associated with the family for long may work out. These are just a few suggestions.
In another few years girls of my age will surely become mothers and I am dead sure that that generation will be far ahead! Scary?!! Wonder what sort of upbringing will we embark upon? I initially thought ill give those kids a piece of my mind but now I think otherwise. It is not his fault alone. Lot of other factors has contributed to it. The change has to come from somewhere. I am sincerely hoping this blog will be read by parents who can make the immediate change, parents-to-be who have a few years to go but at least introduce the infants and the growing ones to good things.
To conclude, I was reading this to my mom and she said, “That’s why I say kids from a young age must learn to be religious and listen to good things alone, be it any religion and customs they follow.” I smiled at her and welcomed her suggestion. Please feel free to comment or suggest anything regarding this! For those interested in the story I first mentioned, check our May’s edition of Reader’s Digest.
The cover page article spoke of teens and porn, quite a sensitive issue to touch upon. But after reading the entire article it is more a serious issue and definitely not sensitive. It was disgusting to read that kids as young as 7 and 8 years, in the name of playing computer games were actually browsing porn websites and passing on their own pictures to friends of the other gender!
Reading on, kids have become so smart that some term it interest in the human body, some time pass and worse of it all porn becomes the definition of the ‘being cool’! The entire article spoke of the scenario in the USA, so most of us may not care less. It is a known fact that children there are allowed to be independent at a very young age where as in India; we’d be pampered to bits at the same age. Kids there get their cell phones when they are a mere 12 years and sometimes even lesser. I got my first cell phone when I was in class 11, that too after countless times of pleading, fighting and any other tactic I could lay my hands on!
While writing this, I was talking to one of my close friends and he said lot depends on parents and their ways of upbringing. It is silly to say that both parents are working so they have no time; they end up filling their children’s pockets with loads of money and buy them the latest models of phones so that they are in touch with each other. I know of many families where kids are extremely well-behaved in spite of their parents not being around most of the time. I am quite immune to one statement my mother constantly says: “God! Look at how that girl behaves and dresses! I wonder what sort of parents she has. They themselves must be like that!”
My mother on the contrary is extremely broad minded, though there are certain views and values which she stands by, like any one of us. Every time she makes such statements I’d fight back saying it was purely their personal lives and she should not be getting families and parents into it. But after some serious thought I realized some truth in it. When parents are out for almost 12-13 hours they hardly get 4-5 hours with their children and what much can one do in that time? These kids literally live with their friends where they pick up new behaviour, habits etc. If a watchful eye is not kept, you never know what is going on.
Coming back to the fact that the article mentioned above was with respect to USA, I have been witnessing a different sort of happening here. Since I love in Bangalore, I can’t generalize my statement saying it happens all over the country, but after reading this, people may nod heads of similar happenings.
I walk back home from college everyday at a time when most schools close for the day. All the high-end schools flaunt their huge buses dropping their students home. In such buses, the kids are hardly between class 3 and 5, 7 max. So they must be between 8 and 12 years, the same age as mentioned in the US article. When they pass by girls, young women, they pass obscene comments which we women generally hear from ‘Road-Romeos’ or older men! The kids used the four letter word with such ease, I was shell-shocked! See, once we are 17-18, it is quite natural for us to go through this process of learning things in college, watching stuff, friends relating their numerous experiences. Though we are vulnerable at that age too, I think it is a natural process. But at 7 or 12, it is way too young.
I don’t know if these kids picked it up from their browsing, friends but I suspect something else. Cab, van and auto drivers have always been criticized for their misbehaviour and vulgarity of sorts. Not a generalization but mostly this sort of behaviour is rampant today. The drivers are quite young and tend to influence the kids easily with their talks. I have seen many drivers giving access to their phones to the young students. So every time, I experience this sort of ‘harassment’ from the young ones, I try and take a peep at the speeding away driver. Would he teach his own little ones such things?
Day before, I went to watch a movie with my 3 young cousins. One just entering college, one in class 7 and the other 9. There was a scene where the couple was making out and for some strange reason I felt odd with the cousins around. I casually looked at them and they were at total ease, not batting an eyelid. I still remember I happened to watch ‘Titanic’ with my mother in the theatre and I was twisting and turning and looking everywhere else to avoid the scene and mom! Nothing wrong in the scene, but somehow my values would never let me watch stuff like that with my parents and family around.
When I watched those kids, I was feeling a generation apart. I am just 23 but it felt so far off! I am not even close to being a parent but these fears have already taken stride. Parents today, whether at home or are working must surely keep track before things go haywire. I am not a parent, so I would not know the practicalities but then choosing your maids, kid’s help, drivers etc is so important. Yes, you may not be able to constantly tab them but I am sure changing them periodically or getting someone who has been associated with the family for long may work out. These are just a few suggestions.
In another few years girls of my age will surely become mothers and I am dead sure that that generation will be far ahead! Scary?!! Wonder what sort of upbringing will we embark upon? I initially thought ill give those kids a piece of my mind but now I think otherwise. It is not his fault alone. Lot of other factors has contributed to it. The change has to come from somewhere. I am sincerely hoping this blog will be read by parents who can make the immediate change, parents-to-be who have a few years to go but at least introduce the infants and the growing ones to good things.
To conclude, I was reading this to my mom and she said, “That’s why I say kids from a young age must learn to be religious and listen to good things alone, be it any religion and customs they follow.” I smiled at her and welcomed her suggestion. Please feel free to comment or suggest anything regarding this! For those interested in the story I first mentioned, check our May’s edition of Reader’s Digest.
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