Kaliyug!

It is believed that the world is currently in the Kali yuga. For those who don’t know what that means, it is the last stage of the world according to Indian scriptures (kindly google more for the detailed meaning). I am not saying the world is going to end, no, please! My interpretation is that currently, it is the age of the devil/evil. When in India, I’d have the luxury of reading the newspaper in detail, but now my paper happens to be the computer. And all I read on news websites are about innocent people being killed, girls being raped by their own kin let alone unknown monsters on the streets.

While I cried for the tiny tots who had not even begun experiencing the joy of living and learning, I quite but naturally felt anger, hatred and an urge to kill the bastards who gang-raped the medical student in Delhi. Prior to this incident, I have witnessed another similar one myself. My mom was in the Intensive Care Unit for almost 9 days and was hanging by a thread for her life. If that was not enough, I found myself looking at a girl my age with umpteen tubes all over and her legs slightly apart, in a sitting position. All she did was ask me for a glass of water and I looked around wondering why no nurse would give her a glass of water. I was promptly admonished to leave the room and was left wondering what was wrong with her. She was a 23 year old medical student (again!), celebrating the occasion of her engagement with a gang of 7 boys. She was the only girl and went for drinks as she was due to be married in a month. It was more of a send-off party for her. The boys got drunk and the unthinkable happened in the rear of the car. She was thrown out of the car right in front of the hospital and she got herself admitted.

If this were not enough, the cops and the doctor (can’t blame them), asked her to explain in detail about the horrid incident. Mom said questions ranged from what they used on her, where did they use it and so on. My mom was so horrified that she called one of my very close male friends and pleaded with him not to take me out anywhere or send me out with anyone! And I had just recently told her that I was in love! I didn’t know whether to feel pity for my mom or laugh at her for feeling so scared.
So when I read the news about the gang-rape in Delhi, I immediately thought about the girl I encountered. I don’t know what her state is now and sincerely hope she is doing ok. But what has really changed? Women are still being raped, not just by some unknown monsters but also by one’s own family members! In Delhi, a rape happens every 22 minutes!

What really is wrong with such men? Do we blame their parents for their upbringing? Do we blame the friends they chose during their formative years? We can reason out for each and every question put forth. My mom always says that it is the parents’ duty to instil the right values from a very young age. I still remember my mom asking me not to touch anything in someone’s house till I got permission to do so. She didn’t call it theft directly but in her own way she taught me that something which did not belong to me should never be taken. This is to quote a simple example. When I reached my teens, all she said was, I could have as many male friends as I wanted, but that I always had to maintain a physical distance from them. She didn’t call them rapists or anything, lol! All she meant was there was a limit even in friendship especially when it came to the opposite sex. I was blessed to have found some amazing male friends who I still share a lovely relationship with. But I always thank mom for the small advice she gave me time and again just to reiterate on certain values. So does that mean that these rapists were not brought up well by their parents? I understand that some families in India have time just to make ends meet. They are not going to have moral science classes for their boys. They mostly grow up themselves and it now leads us to the question of what friends we have.

I saw the last interview of the infamous killer Ted Bundy where he said he had no complaints about his upbringing but as a teen, he was introduced to porn and that influenced his thoughts which led to the unpleasant crimes he committed. So how do we choose the right friends? Even if one man on that bus was a decent guy, he’d have stopped his friends from committing the crime. Everyone blames the government but think again, what would they do? In such a large country as mine, it is tough to check everyone’s background. How many of us check the background of our maids or drivers when we hire them? We will surely do it when such incidents come up, else all we want is someone to help us and we end up hiring a person with a valid DL or a maid who comes to the neighbour’s house as well. There was once a maid who worked in almost 5 houses in an apartment. She stole from one house and never turned up to work. Should we blame the first house who hired her or our ignorance?
What can or what should we do about this?

Men – If you want to have sex, and don’t have a partner, kindly don’t prowl the streets looking for innocent women. Prostitution is not new in India and you can freely find women and ‘quench your thirst’. Such women are willing to sell their bodies for your pleasure so you don’t have to take the trouble of finding women. I am NOT promoting prostitution! All I am saying is, there are avenues where you can find women willing to please you. I once went to a pub and saw a group of young girls having a gala time. When it was time to leave, she was pitch drunk and the group had disintegrated. She was leaving with some guy, equally drunk. God alone knows whether they knew each other or were just hooking up (I doubt they’d have remembered anything the next morning!). So, bottom line is, there are other avenues to do the act and not act upon your needs by needlessly spoiling someone’s life.

Women – Yes, we live in a society where moms are generally scared when their daughters tell them that they’re being harassed. Instead of supporting them and doing the needful, they are asked to stay put as though it is their fault being born a woman. Times are changing but majority of the society still functions this way. I read an article on why the Delhi police think that women deserve to be raped! Though some points boiled my blood, I can’t help but agree upon some of them. We live in India – period. You cannot expect people to give a ‘I don’t care’ look when a woman wears clothes other than a salwar kameez or saree. Anything that is above your knee is like you have come out wearing only a bra! I wear skirts and dresses too but women should know where to wear them. Wear it to a party, when you are with family, but not when you’re going to a busy market. Men there are not educated. They who watch adult movies will only compare you to them when you are clothed in such a way. Women reading this will want to verbally abuse me for saying this, but hell this is the truth!

You have to know your limits in India. Only now people are getting used to PDA, let alone homosexuality. We do not live in an American or European society where you can freely express love! Trust me; my mom is extremely broad-minded considering her background and upbringing. But when she saw 2 women kiss on a train here in Hong Kong, her jaws dropped! Some things will never change. It’s just engrained in their minds. Next, please do not go out with men alone. It sounds child-like but it’s the basic advice I’d give any woman. Again I am quoting my mom here. She always says she trusts me with 10 men in a room at a party and knows nothing will happen but does she trust those 10 men? Even if they happen to be my buddies? No. I wouldn’t myself. When one begins drinking uncontrollably, he may fail to recognise his own sister. And any woman is not going out with 10 men to get raped; she trusts them and wants to have fun and hence goes. But things are not hunky-dory every time! Even in the USA there was an incident where a 16 year old was ‘hanging out’ with her male friends and they all got drunk. Her naked pictures were posted online the next day and the boys claimed they knew nothing of it! Such is the power of alcohol. Unless one is sure of self-control, such things will happen. It’s up to us women to make the sane choice.

Lastly, when parents advise, please please please listen to it. As a teen, I also rebelled and created a ruckus when I was not allowed to step out after a certain time. But now I realise how important each and every advice of theirs was. Teens are meant to rebel, else they are not growing up right, but teens also have the basic sense of right and wrong. What we learn and inculcate then is going to stick to us for life. Pick the right friends. The minute you sense something they do is against your value system, there is absolutely nothing wrong in voicing your opinion. If it doesn’t work, it’s the right time to move away. Some people are meant to do bad; call it karma, fate whatever. But we are always given a chance to take the right decision and we should not let go of it.

And yes, I sincerely hope that the wrongdoers in the Delhi case are castrated and then hanged to death.